You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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