P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize