well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Of course I have a pirate flag
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize