No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
