its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
