Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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