we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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