why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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