You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
