Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
