My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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