You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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