If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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