making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
