He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
