Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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