Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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