btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
