is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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