did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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