I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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