Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
