Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
