how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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