So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
