No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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