I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
