Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
