it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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