My nipple is on Facebook.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
