He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
