I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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