I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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