I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
