final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My underwear smells like fireworks.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize