So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
