You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
