I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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