Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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