i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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