Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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