A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
