Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He better not be in your backpack
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
