Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
