they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
