Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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