So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize