Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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