She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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