In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
