Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
