goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
