if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
