How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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