my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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