Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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