You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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