conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
