You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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