Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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