do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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