Me too!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
