the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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