i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
