The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
