Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
