My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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