mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
