alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
