his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were trust falling into bushes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
