after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
