He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize