Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
