So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
ugly people sure do ruin things
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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